Perspective

Perspective is important. Perspective is what tells you whether you have enough room to park. Perspective is what tells you when and when not to get involved in something. According to the Occupational Outlook Handbook I read in junior high, a writer has to have the same kind of perspective that a pilot has - deep and ready to make a decision in a split second. And then, a friend of mine has a quote, something to the effect that those with the biggest perspectives win. In other words, having a big enough perspective to allow others to have theirs.

I've been pondering perspective lately for several reasons. For one, I was in a tribe on tribe.net where we were discussing how to bring people back to tribe and what was considered troll-type behavior (that being a consideration in why some people left). Another reason was reading a review of scifi/fantasy work by a respected reviewer. Then, there's reading The New Codependency by Melody Beattie (boning up on my boundaries) and the rereading of The Miracle of Mindfulness by Thich Nhat Hanh. And then, there's just the day-by-day spending of time with people who have a different perspective.

For example, on tribe we were discussing why people come to tribe. Personally, I go there because I've made friends I like to banter with. I like banter and repartee. I like fun and having a laugh. Technically, that's not a hobby, but for me it is. Why be here if you can't laugh and play? But, another person pointed out in the same discussion that she doesn't get enough serious conversations in her personal life and she comes to tribe just for the serious discussions. When people go off topic and get silly, it seriously bothers her. That was a perspective I had not bothered to consider before. I don't think that my perspective was wrong, but I can have more sympathy for her now that I know that.

Then, when I was reading the review of a sci/fi piece by a respected reviewer I was put off by it because he was dismissive of a writer who still believed that happy endings and high ideals in scifi (specifically YA sci/fi) are okay and good, and the reviewer, apparently, thought the views of the writer were anachronistic (I hate that term, but in this case - it's applicable). Personally, I think the reviewer's opinion is stupid and short-sighted, and I was ready to rip off a letter to him and then counted to ten and realized he's as entitled to his opinion as I am to mine. If he wants to cut his life short by being a "Douglas Downer" then that's not my problem.

Which takes me to the reading of the New Codependency and the Miracle of Mindfulness, which both reminded me I am not in charge of other people's opinions. I still get to have my own opinions and that's okay. That's one of the perks of living in these United States. I can have my own perspective - think Meg Whitman and Sarah Palin and Ann Coulter are embarrassments to womankind, for example, and that's my right. But, it's not my job to change someone else's mind. If they want to think those women are the trifecta of perfect womanhood, then that's their right.

So, I guess all this thinking of perspective brings me back to my yearly post on freedom of speech and thought. We each have a right to express our opinions — either online, in a letter to the editor, in a letter to our congressmen, or just in day-to-day interactions. That is our right. And it is equally the right of those around us to disagree with us. Yet, somehow, even when we disagree, we have to figure out how to live together and compromise with each other and allow others their different perspectives.

This isn't easy. It's easier to say "my way or the highway." But we live in a country where compromise and consensus is what keeps us going. Yes, we can really disagree with each other, really hard. And that's not wrong. But we have to allow for the other perspectives and eventually figure out how to have those disagreements and still peaceably share space with those that disagree with us.

We'll figure it out eventually. We always do. But this past week has reminded me that sometimes I just need to allow for those other perspectives, whether or not I agree with them — just acknowledge that they're there — and that's a step in the right direction.