Hope and Despair - Optimism and Pessimism: Finding Balance

Last week I had an astounding opportunity. I was phoned on Monday by a high school student who needed someone to interview for her career development project (her group is doing the career development project that is part of RoadTripNation.org). She and her group needed to interview someone who had followed their dream and also had some failures along the way (wow! sound familiar?). I had her email me more information on the project and her group (so I'd know what I was getting into) and by that evening we'd scheduled to meet Wednesday afternoon.

I spent the next day and a half wondering if I could clean up my language enough to speak with three young high school women, and if I'd be able to share enough with them to actually be of help to them. In figuring out what I wanted to say, writing up talking points, and contacting other freelancers who'd be willing to answer questions or at least let me share their websites with the girls, I came to the realization that I never had this opportunity. At their age my female role models included women from history books like Joan of Arc, Edith Cavell, Helen Keller and Elizabeth Blackwell. Other than that, there was my mom, who worked for a living. There were women I knew who were teachers. One of them, Madam Geri Van Zanten, I admired very much and dream about her still even after she passed away. And one friend from grade school had a mom who had been a model and tried to teach the neighborhood girls things like how to sit down properly, set the table, and give ourselves our own manicures.

But freelancers, businesswomen, artists, singers, writers? We didn't have those in our lives, that I remember. These young women have women in government, music, business and all over to look up to and emulate if they want. They don't just have a couple of movies on self-destructive artists who have to choose between "love" (or living within their man's definition of love) and their career - but women who have both family and career. Women on both sides of the political aisle, even, who have families, have had to battle cancer and other life-threatening illnesses, and have had not just one but two careers.

They have so much more to choose from and they found me and wanted to interview me. That is not just cool, it's, as some friends of mine used to say, hen hao cool.

So, I was a bit nervous making my way to the appointed Starbucks for the rendezvous. And halfway there I realized there was no way I knew that I would recognize them. What if this was like one of those bad internet set-up dates where I showed up and he saw who I was and just left without telling me? What if it was a joke?

Two hours of bus travel later (and about 10-15 minutes late - not a good example to begin with), I showed up at the Starbucks to see a table of high schoolers holding up a sign with my name on it. It was so exciting. We found a table outside where I sat on one side and the three young women sat on the other side and their friends filmed us as the young women asked me questions and I did my best to answer them without becoming Queen Non Sequitur. (I hope their friends were able to edit those bits out.)

We talked for a little over an hour. One woman wanted to be a writer, one an actress and one a veterinarian. I, we, talked about finding a good supportive group of friends to help keep you going, not allowing your own dreams to be subsumed by the dreams of the latest boyfriend, the importance of constantly learning (whether or not that happens in college), decision-making, the importance of making friends with accountants, staying away from emotional vampires, never giving up, keeping on at it, even when you make really bad mistakes, and understanding that your parents may not understand your dream, but they still love you. You just have to prove to them that you can have your dream and a stable life, too.

And when I was done I kept wondering if I'd told them enough. Had I told them the right things that would help them? Had I been clear enough? Had I honed in on the wrong things? I wanted so much to go back and say "and another thing...".

This last week since then has been nothing but one big, "and another thing....". As soon as I got back from my interview with the girls I found two rejections - one form (but a form that was written to SOUND personal, but hasn't been changed in like five years- :-P), and one that was personal and much more helpful (but a rejection nonetheless). I had to tell myself what I'd expounded to those young women - don't give up. Don't give up when your clients drag their feet in paying you. Don't give up when the rent check bounces and you're living on rice and mayonnaise. Don't give up when you see other people in your field zooming ahead of you and you have awful feelings of jealousy that you just can't seem to quash. Don't give up when the mean people seem to win and the nice people are left in agent/publication limbo. Don't give up when it feels like Rome is burning and you're wondering if it might be better after all to get a full-time brain-numbing retail job with at least a regular paycheck and health benefits.

Take a break, maybe. Reassess your goals, maybe (Are we really Pulitzer Prize-winning authors? Or are we best suited to writing fun action or romance stories meant to make people happy). But never give up.

I think I learned more this last week than I had any hope of teaching those girls. But I do hope that somehow some of what I said will help them follow their own dreams. And maybe they will help me follow mine.