Rachel's Rules

Carolyn, on You're Boring Me, put out a list of her "rules" and reading it and talking it over with Jim I realized I had a list of rules as well, probably just as individualistic.

So, here goes.....

1) If I can possibly help it, I don't let anyone walk behind me. I hear footsteps on the street behind me, I'll suddenly develop a need to look for something in my handbag and stop and search through it until that person has passed. And I hate people behind me on the stairs, especially going up the stairs. I'll just wait until you've gone on ahead, thank you very much. All this especially holds true for people wearing "I'm so very important shoes" that click clack on the floor behind me. I hate those shoes.

2) I can't stand cold fruit. It needs to be room temperature for the flavors to be at their best. I do like cold juice, but fruit needs to warm up before I'll eat it. And I do like cooked fruit, but not pineapple. Can't stand pineapple on pizza.

3) If I am going to drink soda, I like it to be a little flat and a little warm. Beer is good cold, but again, I like it to sit a little before I drink it. Carbonation is just not my thing. I'd much rather have flat water than sparkling.

4) Most of the time, I like to keep my chocolate separate from other things. I don't want to mix it with fruit or alcohol or coffee. Ideally. I will eat it otherwise and enjoy it, but mostly I like it on its own.

4a) Most of the time I hate chocolate cake. Most chocolate cakes are dry and flavorless unless you get a nice chocolate mousse cake.

5) In general, I hate dry food. Dry food gives me the hiccups and is flavorless. If you see me eating dry food like crackers, it's because my stomach is upset and you'll notice I'm only eating a tiny bit at a time. Otherwise, I love goo. I want plenty of mayo on my sandwiches and lots of butter on my toast and popcorn and a lotta mustard on my hot dogs. Dry salads are the worst.

6) If someone wants to be my bff forever a little too fast or sooner than I think appropriate I don't like it. I'll hide from them. I may end up becoming bffs later, after I've had a chance to get to know them better, but I hate being rushed. Which leads me to...

7) I hate being rushed. I was rushed all growing up by a grampa with jingling change in his pocket and various other busy adults that kept me going from violin lessons to choir to church to vacation bible school to day camp to swimming...I think we can stop now. IMHO the only people who truly deserve to have everything shoved aside for them are doctors, firemen, and policemen. They are the only ones with real emergencies. The rest of us just think we have emergencies. That's not to say I don't respect deadlines, but don't tell me it's an emergency snap you need it "ASAP" unless someone is dieing.

8) Never use "ASAP" in my presence. For a reason, see above. If you need something as soon as possible, then say, "as soon as possible." And if possible, give me a specific time and date.

9) I am not a joiner. See 7 above for reasons. I got burned out on joining and participating. I can commit, and will participate if I have a choice as to the level of participation and if you don't try and guilt me into thinking it's my godly duty to participate. My writer's meetings are only once a month. I can commit to that. So far.

10) No guilting allowed! Okay, I know I'm guilty of this myself, but I hate it just the same and try to keep myself from doing it these days. If I hear a petitioner asking people, "Can you spare ONE MINUTE for global warming this afternoon?" I wanna smack'em. It is SO guilting people into stopping and then it's not just one minute, it's 15-20 as they try to talk you out of money you don't have in the first place!

11) Do not try to talk me into eating or drinking something I don't like just because it's "good for me." For example, I don't try to make you eat broccoli, so why is it so important for you to make me accede to eating peas. So I don't like red tea, so what. I drink lots of other liquids with antioxidants in them. I don't make you like lapsang souchong or russian caravan tea, do I? I will respect what you dislike as long as you respect what I dislike.

12) I do not use black pens unless I can't find any other colors. I prefer blue, purple, pink, and green. Or really sharp pencils. Black ink just looks so angry to me. I use red pens for proofing.

13) The toilet lid should always be down once you leave the bathroom. It's only common sense. I've lived around enough animals and in enough small places to know that keeping the lid closed on the toilet is very important. It's just gross to keep the lid up for one thing. Those commercials when a woman loses her earring down the toilet? Hello! If the lid were down, that wouldn't happen.

14) Always have enough toilet paper. NEVER RUN LOW ON THE TOILET PAPER. And keep it near the toilet! What's the point of having extra toilet paper if you can't reach it when you're sitting on the seat in question and have run out?

Okay, I know I have more rules, but I can't remember what they are. Those will work for now.

So, what are you rules?