Is actually not as bad as Hollywood and popular culture would have you think. In fact, it’s very freeing. Before 40, you’re constantly worried you’re going to miss meeting THE ONE. Will you screw it up? Will it be all you hoped and dreamed for? You want to rush out there and meet that guy or gal before your wrinkles start showing and body parts begin to sag.
After 40, there’s not so much pressure. At least, I don’t feel the pressure. In fact, I feel released from the need to go out and hunt for THE ONE, THE ONLY, THE SOUL MATE (insert name/trademark here). What I do feel pressure to do is to GET ON with my life and not worry about whether or not some guy in a leather jacket with hot hair across the room approves of me or is attracted to me or thinks I’m too fat, too thin, too tall, too short, too blond, too brunette, too smart, too dumb…I’ve got things TO DO with my life other than waiting for some guy to dither around wondering if I’m good enough for him or if he’s good enough for me or any of that other crap. You either like me or your don’t. If you do, then say something. If you don’t, then stay out of my way. Or as another friend of mine put it, “Dammit, if you like me, why can’t you just f***in’ ask me out for a f***in’ cup of coffee and quit screwing around!” Yeah. What she said.
After 40, single people tend to already have full complete lives without a partner. They have friends, family, work, activities, sometimes children or parents to care for, dreams and goals they’ve been working on for years. Romantic companionship is an added plus to that life, but not a necessity. It’s supposed to add to an already full life. So, going out there occasionally to do the single thing should be fun. It shouldn’t be fraught with drama or desperation. It should be something you go out and do just like going to the movies or getting pizza. It’s something you want to do for fun and for you.
In that spirit, last night I attended a singles mixer in my neighborhood sponsored by SuperSingleMixers.com. It was at a local business, Fancifull Gift Baskets. There were tables set out with wine, cheese and chocolate to taste and try, plus you could purchase whatever was in the store. Things were normal spendy, not too spendy. It was a mixer for ages 40-59, so there was quite a range of people there. Yes, about 60% women, but the men who were there seemed decent. Rookie Macpherson is the person who sets these up. When I was speaking to someone they pointed out that other mixers they have more ice breaking activities. This was more of a stand around cocktail party where we all dressed up, attended, tried things, made small talk, etc. I’m notoriously bad at that really. As an introvert I’m perfectly content to just sit in a corner and watch. And when I do feel outgoing, I tend to befriend some cool woman in line who seems to know what’s going on (which is what I did this time, too). But, it was within walking distance and for $20 and a walk on a nice evening I didn’t mind dressing up a little (though I confess I did not wear dressy shoes and only wore walking shoes, but I also opted for jeans/nice shirt and leather jacket and not the nice dresses and great shoes other women there were wearing — and there were some AMAZING shoes) and seeing what I could see. Since it was within walking distance I wouldn’t feel trapped and like I had to stay if I didn’t like it. After all these things are supposed to be FUN. Right?
It was okay fun. I stayed an hour. Long enough for a couple of glasses of wine, but not long enough to get in on the dancing. I might attend again. Maybe. I would definitely go back to Fancifull Gift Baskets to do some shopping. They had some good wines there for a decent price, plus other comestibles I like to treat myself and others with on occasion. The olives were fantastic and I got to try some maple peanut butter. Yum!
I did meet a great woman there whilst standing in the too long lines. She was interesting to talk to and had been to the “unlock” mixers. And it’s always good to make a potential new friend and expand your world just a little bit more, so I put that in the plus column of this venture. She said the “unlock” mixers were more fun. The women get locks and the men get keys and you have to see which keys unlock which locks and so it makes you talk to people and interact more outside your comfort zone. At last night’s mixer I didn’t see too many people interacting outside of the groups of people they came with. And the area for dancing felt a little too much like high school to me (and I wasn’t one of the cool kids). But, it wasn’t bad or sleazy or desperate. A bit crowded for such a small space and the lines for wine tasting were way too long. Some people gave up and bought their own bottles to carry around with them for they and their friends. And I saw one group of women where they were calling a bar to check on happy hour, to see if they left now they would be able to make it in time. But a lot of others seemed to be having a good time.
I think the best thing of the night was finding out that my new friend was not only a computer database maven, but also a fellow writer. “Oh, you’re an interesting person!” Best compliment I’ve had in years.
3 comments:
This is a very uplifting post. You are divine!
I think some society notions are a little too much, like you have to have a partner and when you do, you have to have children and when you do, you have to have so many and when you do, you have to have pets and plan for their college and when you do, you become grandparents... it goes on and on.
Now is the time to just be, just live.
Exactly.
anyplace you meet interesting people is worth a little dressing up for. Or so it seems to me.
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