The word "Mean" has several definitions in the English language. It does a lot of heavy lifting and can be used as a verb, adjective, or noun.
First, there's its use as a verb. "Mean" can be used to designate or define or convey, as in "moi means me" or "rouge means red," or any other definition. Also in the verb category, there's "mean" as in intend, such as "well, I meant to do that." "Mean" can also be defined as "leads to," as in "car exhaust means pollution." "Mean" is the action word that moves the language along to its final destination.
Then there's the definition of finding a "mean," where it is used as a noun. In this definition, a "mean" is something that is found, for example, by adding values and dividing by the number of values to find an average, which points to a mean. It also is used to refer to a "middle way" or the mid point between two extremes. Finding the "mean" in any situation or equation is finding an actual thing or place. A noun.
Finally, there is the adjective use of the word "mean," as in to call someone "mean." This definition can vary anywhere from someone who is miserly or ungenerous, to low class, poor, and shabby, to spiteful, foul, and malicious. This last "meaning" of the word "mean" is what I "mean" to address: spiteful, malicious, foul.
The phrase "Mean People Suck" started popping up in the 1970s, I believe. Maybe earlier. It is usually preceded by "Be Kind," showing the disparity between the two extremes.
People can be mean for a number of reasons. I truly believe most people try to do the best they can with what they have. If they are mean to others, it is usually because they are thoughtless. They don't "mean to be mean." They just aren't thinking about another person's perspective or point of view, and end up hurting people without meaning to. Most of us do that occasionally, and eventually we realize it and do better.
People can also be mean because they are, what I see as, a step beyond thoughtless to selfish and self-centered. They aren't only forgetting of other people's perspective, they are actually so self-involved that outside perspectives do not matter to them. They are wearing "blinders," like horses being forced to look in one direction. They literally cannot see outside themselves and their own point of view, so that they end up stomping all over other people's feelings. Again, many people can get stuck this way, either in the short term or maybe for a little bit longer, but we eventually find a way out. We realize what we were doing and we get better.
Lastly, there are those who mean to be mean. In fact they not only mean it, they revel in it. They take great, gleeful pleasure in being mean and spiteful to others. They get endorphin hits from bullying, being spiteful, malicious, and mean to others. They feel like they gain power or prestige from treating others badly or trolling, sometimes in person, sometimes online. It doesn't matter. It makes them feel good. And the more they do it, the more endorphin hits they get, and the better they feel. It becomes an addiction. It goes from being an occasional practice they do for "fun" to a regular way of being—living deep in the dark pit of malicious cruelty because it feels so good. They feel like they are "winning" at something—who knows what—some emotional game? And what's worse, is that this type of behavior has become celebrated in our culture. We've developed a culture of mean—a system—that actually rewards this behavior. Shock jocks or YouTube videos where people are laughing at cruel "jokes," popular reality shows, or even some business practices applaud this type of behavior; it is seen as entertainment.
Today I ended up on the phone with someone like this. They were entertaining themselves by using baiting, bullying, and spiteful tactics with me while I was trying, I thought, to fix a delivery issue.
It's upsetting to run into this kind of person. Their tactics take up a lot of negative, emotional energy—negative energy that they really like, that they are addicted to. When I run into this type of behavior it usually puzzles me, and it takes me a minute to catch up, to realize that being rational and reasonable, communicating clearly, is not going to work. I'm trying to communicate in one type of mode (sincere, straightforward, honest) while they're "communicating" in an entirely different mode (baiting, game playing, bullying). People who enjoy being mean, bullying, and being spiteful aren't in the market to be convinced. They don't care to have a discussion. They just want to throw all the excrement at the fan and hope it splatters on everyone, like a kid flinging mud on the playground. In fact, the more you try to communicate with them, the more you are walking into their trap. The best thing you can do is to walk away, hang up the phone, block the text, delete the email, stay away from the posts, leave the room, do not engage. It's the only way to "win" at the game they are playing, even if it feels like you're losing. Just walk away.
It's a hard lesson to learn. I had to learn it all over again today. "Mean People Suck" all right. They suck the life right out of the room and out of your soul. So stay the hell away from them.
